


Permanent

by Jh3ma



Series: You are the Music in Me [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, non clexa relationships are minor!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-06-27 04:02:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15677646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jh3ma/pseuds/Jh3ma
Summary: Based on the song Permanent by Jake Miller





	1. Chapter 1

**10 Months ago:**

“We have to do this Lex. You know we have to.” Clarke whispered as she wiped tears from her face.

Lexa sniffled. “I know. I get it. I just hate it. Maybe there’s another way?” She hesitated before holding her finger up. “Don’t respond to that. I know there’s not. It’s just a break, right? It’s just a few months apart and then we’ll be fine.”

Clarke nodded slowly. “Just a few months. 3 maybe? Whatever feels right to us. You know my parents were in the same boat of us when they were our age and they took a break for a year and got back together and are now the happiest relationship I know. I think it’ll do us good.”

Lexa put her hand behind Clarke’s head and pulled her close til their foreheads were touching. “Babe, I love you. But I agree with you. You’re all I know. We’re 24 and we’ve been together since we were 14. I’m sure I’d have no regrets if I never was single again or never saw anyone else but the chance to is something I think we need to go through before we decide to take our relationship further. I want us to get engaged and married because we consciously decided that we wanted to be together after experiencing other relationships, not because we stayed together from comfort and safety. Just know that I love you and I truly think that you are going to be my forever.”

Clarke closed the gap for one last kiss. “A few months apart, love. I love you so much.”

 

**Present day:**

Clarke walked into her apartment, kicked off her shoes, and threw her keys on the counter before walking over to the fridge and grabbing a beer. She felt her phone vibrate next to her after she sat down. “Hey O, whats up?”

“Hey Clarke, you down to go out tonight?” Her brother said.

“Depends. Where and with who?” She asked, hoping he wouldn't say the one place and the one name she couldn’t get off her mind.

“Mulroney’s work? It’ll be me, you, Linc, Rae, Bell, Anya, Monty, Jasper, Maya, Finn, Luna, and Costia. Lex is playing there tonight so we were going to go check it out.”

“I don’t know O... I think I might have to sit out of this one. It’s Lexa’s big night. I can’t take away from her.”

“Clarke. Griffin. Don’t even think that she wouldn’t want you there. It’s been 10 months since you guys called things off. You both have seen other people in that time and I know that both of you are just waiting for the other to just say that you want to get back together. Make it tonight. Make the move.”

"O, you don’t know what Lexa wants. Sure, I was seeing Finn for awhile but that ended 2 months ago. Lexa and Costia are still seeing each other last time I heard. I’m not about to get in between them. Besides, Lexa and I have barely talked since we split up.”

“CLARKE! You’re going to hate yourself if you stay home tonight and throw yourself a pity party. Come out. I know it’ll be hard but I think you’ll hate yourself more if you skip her big night.”

“Fine. I’ll be there. But you’re buying my drinks.”

 

Clarke walked into the bar and was greeted by all her friends. “Hey Princess!” Finn pulled her into a side hug, giving her a kiss on her temple.

"Hey Finn. How have you been?” She looked around the rest of the group. “Hey guys, good to see you all. Lex is starting soon, right?” She ignored her ex’s new girlfriend glaring at her while the rest of her group nodded.

A second later she heard her favorite voice start talking. “Hey everyone, welcome to Mulroney’s! I’m Lexa Woods and I’m excited to be playing tonight. I hope you enjoy!”

She took out her guitar and started strumming, getting into her first song, mindlessly playing as her thoughts drifted to the encounter she had just witnessed between Clarke and Finn and a conversation she had with Lincoln four months prior, both contributing to her snap decision to change her final song.

_"Lex, you gotta tell her you want to get back together. It’s been 6 months. You wanted a few months break. You’ve done that. I know both of you want to get back together. Just say something to her.”_

_"_   _can’t, Linc. She’s with Finn. I can’t get between her happiness. It just hurts so much to see her with him. And I can’t get over all of it. Mom still asks about her, did you know? And I don’t know what to say because we said a few months but like do I even have a chance anymore? It just feels like she’s moved on and forgotten everything. But I can’t. I drive by her house all the time when I got home. I can’t avoid it. And I can’t bring myself to see if there’s another car in her driveway because that means she has someone over. I just can’t. I thought I was going to marry this girl and now I can’t figure anything out I can’t figure out if I have a chance. I think her friends know more about that than I do and this is our relationship we’re talking about. When do I just give up? I just- ” Lexa stopped talking as she gasped, struggling to breathe without sobs coming out._

_"_ _It’ll be okay Lex. I promise” Lincoln whispered, his heart breaking for his little sister. “I think you need to write it all down. Whether it’s like a journal piece or a poem or a song. You need to get it out. Call me if you need anything. I love you.”_

 

“Okay everyone, this one will be my last song of the night!” The crowd groaned as she laughed. “I’m having too much fun to stop too. But follow me on social media @LexaWoodsMusic and you can keep up with where I’ll be playing next. Anyway, this last song is a very special song I wrote 4 months ago. I was going through a tough time and thanks to my brothers encouragement, I sat down and wrote this song. It’s really personal and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you all for coming out tonight!”

As she made her way to the piano she looked up and her eyes met blue from across the bar. She started playing softly, eyes never leaving the blue ones that met hers from across the bar. She began to sing softly.

 

_I think your friends know more about us than I do_

_I don't know what to say when my mom asks about you_

_I guess I'm confused_

_Tell me the truth_

_Do we have a chance_

_Or are we through_

_I think your friends know more about us than I do_

_I just need to know_

 

_Is permanent what we meant_

_When we said that we needed space_

_How could you forget the time we spent_

_How do you know when it's time to throw it all away_

_Is this permanent, permanent, permanent_

_Is this permanent, permanent_

 

Clarke felt her eyes start to burn as tears came rushing to them, shaking her head at the notion that she could ever forget the years she spent with the love of her life.

 

_I still drive by your house on my way home_

_I keep my eyes on the road I don't wanna know_

_If there's somebody new_

_There with you_

_Making you laugh_

_Just like I used to_

_I still drive by your house on my way home_

 

_Is permanent what we meant_

_When we said that we needed space_

_How could you forget the time we spent_

_How do you know when it's time to throw it all away_

_Is this permanent, permanent, permanent_

_Is this permanent, permanent_

_Is this permanent, permanent, permanent_

_Is this permanent, permanent_

 

She hit the keys a little harder to make a quick beat before she stopped and stood up to rap the next part.

 

_Yeah, tell me_

_Is it permanent, permanent_

_Is this a forever thing_

_Thought you were the one baby_

_I was thinking wedding ring_

_But you won't even pick the damn phone up_

_I just think that we deserve closure_

_You're with your new man_

_I'm with my new girl_

_Drinking every night_

_Trying not to think of you girl_

_Can't tell if we helpin it or hurtin it_

_I just need to know if this is permanent_

 

She sat back down, placing her hands on the keys again. As she started playing she looked back to the blonde in the bar, tears in both of their eyes. She never noticed her current girlfriend leaving the bar upset, she saw nothing but her ex-girlfriend as she finished out the song.

 

_Is permanent what we meant_

_When we said that we needed space_

_How could you forget the time we spent_

_How do you know when it's time to throw it all away_

_Is this permanent, permanent, permanent_

_Is it permanent babe, I just need to know babe_

_Is this permanent_

 

Clarke stifled a sob rising from her throat and turned to Octavia and Raven. “I need to get out of here. Tell Lex I’m sorry I had to go but I just can’t be here.” And immediately she rushed out of the door, not noticing the green eyes that followed her the entire way out.


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa finished the song, tears threatening to fall as she watched her ex-girlfriend walk out of the bar. She hurriedly thanked the crowd before rushing off stage.  _ Come on Clarke, please still be close by. _ She ran out the back entrance into the alley behind the bar before rushing to the street. As she reached the sidewalk she stopped, looking wildly before spotting blonde hair a block away huddled and speed walking away.

She ran to catch up to the other girl “Clarke!”. She touched her arm to get her to turn around. “Please stop. Please. Just talk to me.”

Clarke looked up at her with red rimmed eyes from the tears falling down her face. She quickly wiped her tears and set her face the best she could. “You did amazing, Lexa. We’re all so proud of you. I’m glad I could make it.” Her voice wavered as she finished speaking.

Lexa brought her hand up to Clarke’s cheek. “No, don’t do this. Don’t shut me out. We were together for 10 years. I know you. I know when you deflect. Be honest with me.”

With her words, Clarke broke down. “You were amazing. I forgot how good you are on stage. But that last song. I just can’t listen to that and be ok.” Lexa wiped Clarke’s tears from her face with the hand still on her face. “How can you even for a second think I’d forget what we had? How could you even think that I’m not still in love with you and that I don’t still believe that someday we’ll be married? How can you think that after 10 years of being with you and loving you that I could forget that in 10 months?”

Lexa moved her hand to the back of Clarke’s head and drew her ex girlfriend into a tight hug, Clarke’s face against Lexa’s chest. Lexa kissed the top of Clarke’s head as she felt her shirt becoming wet with tears. “I’m so sorry I made you feel like I completely thought that.” She murmured into her hair. “I’m so sorry Clarke. When I wrote that I was so lost. You had been dating Finn for 2+ months and  I felt so alone because I felt like you were moving on and happier without me while I was miserable. I just felt so confused because I couldn’t even think about moving on and here you were dating someone and happy. I know you didn’t actually forget everything we had. I know that you wouldn’t forget in 10 months. I know because I know you. I know you and you’d never be able to do that after the love we had.” Clarke sniffled and mumbled into her chest. “What’d you just say?”

She watched the blonde barely lift her head from her chest. “Have.” Blue eyes met confused green ones. “You said had.” She tried to clarify but saw Lexa’s eyebrows furrow in further confusion. “It’s not a love we had. It’s the love we have.” She watched Lexa’s eyes widen. “I mean- I didn’t- I meant like only if that’s how you feel. Shit you’re dating Costia, you did mean had.”

Lexa put her hand over Clarke’s mouth. “Just be quiet for two seconds Clarke. Two seconds. It’s always been have. I have never stopped loving you. And I will never stop. But I’m trying to look at this realistically and respectfully. You’re dating Finn. You’ve been with him for 7 months. I owe it to your relationship to respect you both to say had.” She reached out and stroked Clarke’s cheek with her thumb. “But don’t for a second think that I’m not still crazy about you. That I don’t love you with everything I am.”

Clarke laughed and shook her head. “Finn and I broke up a couple months ago. Is that really why you never said anything? You thought we were still together and didn’t want to disrespect either of us?” She paused and saw Lexa give a small nod. She buried her face into the brunettes neck and sighed. “Lex, you’re too good. But if you felt that why then why are you dating Costia?”

Lexa immediately diverted her eyes to the ground. “I saw how happy you were. I figured our chance at getting back together was over. I thought I was never going to get to hold you again. Or kiss you again. Or be anything with you again. It was killing me. I figured if I could pretend to be happy long enough that I could maybe, just maybe, be happy for real. But I can’t. I can’t because she’s not you. I can’t because my future- my dreams- are ones where we’re together. And it’s ok if that’s no longer your dreams or if you never want to give us another shot. But I can’t pretend that I’ll be happy with someone else.” Clarke pulled her face from Lexa’s neck with tears in her eyes as the brunette continued. “All I’ve ever wanted, and all I ever will want, is for you to be happy. Whether that’s with me or someone else.”

Clarke surged forward and trapped Lexa’s lips in her own. She felt Lexa freeze under her touch before relaxing and kissing back fervently. After a few moments of finally kissing her love again she pulled back and rested their foreheads together, noticing Lexa still with her eyes closed and lips parted, slightly panting. She whispered to the other girl, “I do, Lex.” She watched Lexa’s eyes open and stare into hers. “I do want to give us another shot. Because you’re it for me. You’re my dreams too.” 

She watched as the brunette’s eyes dropped to her lips before closing the distance between them again. “I love you, Clarke.” She said as she pulled back again. “I have and I always will. I can’t wait for another chance at forever with you.” They smiled at each other before connecting their lips once more, both of them realizing how much they missed the feeling of each other, the feeling of  _ home _ .

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again! I'm hoping to get another chapter in Leave it on the field out soon! I wanted to wrap up these one-ish shots before i got back to that and writing any more things in this series. see you next time!

**Author's Note:**

> I promise that I will make happy endings for these one shots that are not happy! However, I'm going through post-breakup sadness and can't really write happy right now (that's why nothing has really been updated lately). Once I can write happy I will be back with updates on all!


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